ben, old friend...where are you?

Friday, March 24, 2006 haiku-cize Current mood: discontent Category: Writing and Poetry my brain needs a 5 minute excercise. i'm waking up under blankets and headbutts -man, those rascals! what's this? a new phone but the same people are calling brick by brick, stud by stud they work short days and we wait. wasn't it truman who on his desk had a plaque, 'said "the buck stops here" keyboards, snynth, a woman's voice... a new playlist cold and overcast makes me want to peel the clouds with a rib spreader Currently listening: Vanilla Sky By Various Artists Release date: By 11 December, 2001 6:35 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Thursday, March 23, 2006 would they like us better? Current mood: aggravated Category: News and Politics note to reader: don't let joshua watch documentaries put out by moveon.org called "uncovered: the war on iraq" if you don't want him to get more angry. of course, me and martha are too snobby to not notice the horrible editing job (sometimes people's voice didn't sink up with their mouth, stuff like that) or reusing the same old shots that everybody else has been using for 15 years. it basically said what the Administration's reasons for war were and then said "here's what our experts say' (most of whom used to work for the CIA in the Mid East or other like agencies for the US or GB. that's old news, i guess. right? i've been told that there's no use to talk about that anymore, or try to still stand against the War on Terror as a perpetual war against [whoever Dick Cheney wants] in the name of keeping your little babies sleeping undisturbed at night. i did have a crazy idea, though, about this country. what if our highest leadership, rather than being supposedly obsessed with national security, was into proactively fighting poverty, AIDS, and....okay. i'll stop. i wish he cared about things that i care about. i actually think it would make all these terrorists and other people like us better. i do feel like i've made a shift in the last couple of years, though, like i've gotten way more involved in local neighborhood issues. i hope that we can do that without the exclusion of keeping up with the rest of the planet. Smoking gun -like a mushroom cloud? a cheap trick Currently listening: Built To Spill & Caustic Resin By Built to Spill Release date: By 24 June, 1997 6:13 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 do you know what today is? Current mood: tired Category: Life we had a some great discussions last night at my cell meeting. the one that was started by Poe's short story "the oval portrait" was my favorite. sometimes we are into the idea of something so much that we forget to be into the thing itself. like when we get so bent on "being Christian" that we forget that having a relationship with jesus is the point. we get so bent on being holy (and sometimes judgemental) that we forget who Holiness is. when we allow ourselves to be loved by God, and we love back, we allow oursleves to be transformed (the fruit of which is change-not just the same ol, same ol) and become new. he makes us whole. why do i still mess that up? sometimes i want to be holy without being transformed by the loving relationship. sometimes i want the loving relationship without transformation of being different. What to do? Went to bed tired, And then i woke up angry, I couldn't get up. Currently listening: Strung Out in Heaven By The Brian Jonestown Massacre Release date: By 23 June, 1998 7:43 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 harmonica kinda bums me out Current mood: busy Category: Friends jeremy, willis, and i had another architect meeting last night about the future of 2007. it was a time of fun and much productivity. those guys are talented. i froze on the way here today. what's up, 29 degrees? i found like 10 people from my high school on myspace last week. some dudes i haven't seen in almost 9 years. it's hard to give the "this is the abridged version of the last decade" email for me. either i don't feel like going into detail or i think that God has done so many awesome things and brought us to unforseen places that it seems like bragging or something. it's nice to try to reconnect with old friends, though, that i lost track of. So here we all are, And not a moment too late, We choose forgiveness. Currently listening: Spirit of Eden By Talk Talk Release date: By 17 November, 1998 10:24 AM - 4 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Monday, March 20, 2006 shortie, i'm just getting back in the flow Current mood: light blue great trip with martha this weekend. i can't say that it was super restful, but it was super fun. we went to about 10 thrift stores (most of them were part of theMCC network like CT). martha found back to the future on VHS. that movie rules. we made it one more step closer to buying this house today. they are saying sept-oct. look how many awesome dudes are buying homes right up in there. that is really exciting. A cold snap begins, Just 'ere the first day of spring, I'm ready for warm. Currently listening: Amnesiac By Radiohead Release date: By 05 June, 2001 12:14 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

last week for ben

Thursday, March 16, 2006 drink it from the tap like it was my job Current mood: other sounds cool why don't most of us drink enough water in a day? what is our problem? we know that it is good, we know that it is bad news not to. do we think we're getting away with something? why is my mouth dry in the middle of the night and my lips chapped and i don't change? such is with jesus. so many of us just don't want to get hydrated. the people that do are all throwing water at you and saying "drink or die!" and we hate them so we don't drink to spite them. (i'll show them. i won't drink). "water sucks, gatorade is better" or something. i'm ready to take a bath in it and get on an iv and drink from the tap like it was my job. In the bush, a thrush, Come on outside, kids, and look, Life is happening. Currently listening: Afreaka! By Demon Fuzz Release date: By 25 October, 2005 3:35 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 trying to all my mind to be quieted Current mood: optimistic i have been pretty wound up lately. i just read an article by philip yancey in the back of a christian magazine about watching elk and how that helped him realize that so often when we are praying, we are waiting for God to do some miracle or to speak in a loud voice (this is all my paraphrase) but slowly God changes us...clears our heads, we allow our minds to quiet down. we can learn from elk who stand there, bend down to eat grass, stand there, bend down to eat grass...for a couple of hours. we can be that present in who we are and what we're doing. me and martha are going to lancaster for a couple days (not to equate my rural people to elk) but i hope the change of pace and loads of chill time can help us both to quiet down and listen to God. she and i are both big-time doers in our life right now. that's all good and all, but there is a deeper place that God is calling us to (not that we should stop doing, but that we need to "be" as well). after a cool cell meeting i got together with JMD and olshefski for a little metal shredding. jon played guitar, justin sang, and i drummed. it was really fun. i'm not a metal drummer (i have the blisters on my hands to prove it). if nothing else it was a great workout (felt the burn). Hit the ground running, It's the story of my life, I will learn to wait. Currently listening: Lifesblood By Mastodon Release date: By 06 August, 2002 10:24 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 save my bones for davey jones Current mood: calm a close friend of mine was telling me about how they were getting super stressed out at work and instead of having a meltdown he stopped and wrote a haiku. it was good. bless my soul. it is good. i wish In Living Color was still on. Seeds fall on the path, I smell birds coming, The writing is on the wall, Do bother to look. Currently listening: Bee Thousand By Guided by Voices Release date: By 20 June, 1994 12:14 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, March 13, 2006 great morning Current mood: happy i feel good today. real good. i had that moment this morning, when lily woke up early, to either 1. beg martha to get her (because i was early man yesterday) 2. get up and get her myself or 3. see if martha wanted to get up togetether. we both got up and had a really nice breakfast (of course once somebody walked down the hall helena woke up) all together. helena, now that she's 5, wanted me to ask her questions this morning to see if she had gotten any smarter after her birthday. she did. Sober mindedness, Calmly drifting down, Into arms of warm darkness, First person outside. Currently listening: Tical 2000 : Judgement Day By Method Man Release date: By 17 November, 1998 10:38 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Sunday, March 12, 2006 lily day, lily thoughts Current mood: chipper me and lily today. we google image search babies and kitties together pretty often. so much that i have to mix up the words that we're searching for ,so today was cute babies, and this strange photo came up. it's good to just play stupid games with this kid...there's a lot to having fun together. she is in a yogurt phase right now (gon-gah). we watched rize together. i asked if she liked the dancing and she said yes. Nothin' like babies, Their laughing, Can strip my anxiety, I can laugh with them. Currently watching: Rize Release date: By 25 October, 2005 11:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Saturday, March 11, 2006 to the zoo... Current mood: calm tomorrow is helena's b'day so me and martha took her, lily, and uriah to the zoo. it was awesome. the morning started out so great. helena got to eat the cereal of her choice (fasnacht b'day tradition)-lucky charms. we pile into the car and realize that it is dead. the parking lights were left on all night, killing the battery. so jason shot over to drop uriah and gave us a jump. after about 4 hrs we'd had enough, and while leaving, martha exclaimed (because of the 5,000 stroller toting, oakley blades-wearing parents) "man, this place is a zoo." right she was. it made me wonder...are the animals on display for us to observe how weird they look (like the naked mole rat) or are we brought in so that normal animals can see how freaky we've become? Two lazy eagles, Caged since birth, They, the symbol of freedom... Are we listening? Currently reading: That Hideous Strength (Space Trilogy (Paperback)) By C.S. Lewis Release date: By 06 May, 2003 2:51 PM - 5 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

began nov 1 2005 expired march 16 2006

before


after

because ben gave up myspace for lent he asked me to do this

2 kensington fires in the last 2 weeks Current mood: good another fire early yesterday morning killed more kensington residents, this time on jasper st. the word is that they were also heating their house with their stove, but who knows. one of the kids that died (hiep) was in brooke hoffman's class at penn treaty. it would seem like we should pay attention to these fires. A long drink, Not too much, Was it too long a slumber, But man, I feel good. Currently listening: Secret South By 16 Horsepower Release date: By 12 September, 2000 10:17 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, March 09, 2006 (Para Español marke dos) Current mood: annoyed so the first hours of the day have been pretty agro for me, anyway. this morning i couldn't find helena's one shoe and i was so frustrated. we were about to not go to preschool when martha found some pair of sandal-type things and we put them on her just so she could go. unbelievable. i get my new printer today to go with my new pc, and apparantly i didn't order a usb cable for the printer (i sure thought i did). urrgghh. it seems like you can get a 10ft usb 2.0 cable for less than $35 at like any website besides radioshack and dell. what a hassle. most sites they are like $5. big meeting today with someone who i really need to get some work done on this building. show tonight at our space tonight..."Giving Chase, Our Time, Drawing Dead, Thru It All" (even danielle hunter never heard of these hardcore phenoms!). come and make some new friends. The brooding of clouds, To sit in the disquiet... Can I stay longer? Currently listening: Takk By Sigur Ros Release date: By 15 September, 2005 10:49 AM - 4 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 "which building is the convention center?" Current mood: happy good lunch with a great friend today. faith is giving free haircuts to all sorts of people in the other room. we went to the reading terminal market, and in case you didn't know the flower show is going on. riding my bike down there i had messenger flashbacks. we would always hate doing jobs anywhere near the convention center during the flower show because you were more likely to get killed or be walking through the convention center looking for some weird room. i saw some of my old peeps running around. i'm glad i'm not doing that anymore, but honestly there are some things that i miss. warm days just before spring, riding around all day (or kickin' it in the park with your boys) makes you really welcome the season in. i have a new way to do that now, riding mad bikes needs to get in the mix. Friend, perish the thought That "one day i'll fly away" In love i remain. Currently listening: Like Water For Chocolate By Common Release date: By 28 March, 2000 2:56 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 discernment Current mood: tired so much going on. i love it but you may catch me running around like a crazy person. i am trying to slow down in the midst of much. it's hard to not get dragged into it all while not being inactive. it's discernment to know whether the Spirit is leading us to move or if it's just people's "stuff" that prompts us to get busy. i want to be able to tell the difference. An easy way in But there's no easy way out... Installing updates... Currently listening: Udu Wudu By Magma Release date: By 30 September, 2003 2:35 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, March 06, 2006 in the flow Current mood: cheerful i realized last night that i had a really involved weekend. it was really meaningful, though, meeting with the cell leaders, baby goods exchange, and the PMs. it occured to me last week that i have been spending more time with my kids lately (i think i had a couple weeks in a row where i wasn't seeing them for but an hour a day). that rules. we made french toast together this morn. Songs of sarcasm... Can tear down but can they build? I'm through with demo. Currently listening: On Avery Island By Neutral Milk Hotel Release date: By 26 March, 1996 9:24 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Friday, March 03, 2006 clicking Current mood: calm i wish that i had the cold decision making power all year round that i do during Lent. it kind of makes me feel like i must be a terrible person if i can make so many changes for Jesus now that there is a season for it. what about the rest of the year? without getting down on myself i'm gonna really go for it. when next season comes then i'll know better what i'm like when it's not Lent. one person said that she was going to write a letter to a friend every day as a way to make room in her life for something else. that's pretty cool. Want to sleep better? Take a break from stimulants And clean the closet. Currently listening: Galore By The Cure Release date: By 28 October, 1997 10:55 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, March 02, 2006 ode to lancaster Current mood: annoyed Take a great small town Put McMansions on the edge And you get Lititz every time i go to lancaster i love it a little more and hate it a little more. i don't write directions down anymore to go to certain places, and most days that works out fine. today, of course i don't write them down and after sleeping 11 of the hardest slept hours of my life i get lost going to manheim. i mysteriously find my way to destination a few minutes late, the new way that i went (not the wrong way) took me through one of the cutest towns in the country. several of my friends grew up there. what the hell are people thinking putting expensive housing developments in rural lancaster county? it is the vomit. is nothing sacred? "let's go live on the edge of a really great place so that we can swoop in and consume its cuteness whenever we feel like leaving our development." i can be such the old man with the cane yelling "get off my lawn!" at kids sometimes. Currently listening: In An Expression of the Inexpressible By Blonde Redhead Release date: By 08 September, 1998 2:36 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 i am also a cinematographer Current mood: sleepy Taking care of old bills is like cleaning under your bed. you are kind of glad you did it because it helps you sleep at night, but there is still part of you that is like "i never go under there anyway." i just paid a bill that was almost 5 years old. one of those medical bills that is not filed correctly and then not communicated about properly and then years go by and now the only mistake is not clearing it up five years ago. it is so annoying to shell out cash to thieves and feel like it's the best decision. Thieves, they are trying But what if we don't let them All will be made new. Currently listening: Days in the Wake By Palace Release date: By 29 August, 1994